Living with someone is never easy.

Living with someone who doesn’t have the same standards of courtesy and common decency is extremely taxing.

For example, I had been on a family vacation to Australia. I had a wonderful time with my family – and my partner even came along. The holiday was time well spent, as I have not seen much of my parents in the past few years and my partner enjoyed being out of the country for the first time.

During our Australian visit, we took a tour of the Yarra Wine Valley, as my parents (and my partner’s parents both enjoy wine). Along the route, we stopped at several small vineyards, most of which do not have American distributors. I enjoyed some fantastic wine and even learned how to taste distinct flavors. (Let me just tell you, tasting pepper in a cabernet sauvignon was a REAL shock!)

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At any rate, I purchased a bottle of crisp, oaky white wine from a small family-owned vineyard. It was an AMAZING bottle! And a lovely reminder of how much fun I had with my family and my partner that day.

Upon returning to the States, I placed my bottle of wine on the wine rack in my apartment. The wine rack usually holds olive oil and a pepper grinder. My household doesn’t usually consume wine, but favors beer and mixed drinks. Occasionally, one might find a cheap bottle of wine on the rack, but not often. At any rate, after I placed the bottle on the rack, I pointed it out to my roommate and said, “Hey, this was a fantastic bottle of wine. I am going to give it to my partner’s parents as a wedding anniversary gift.” My roommate agreed that was a fine idea.

Not long after that (we’re talking less than a month), I woke up one morning feeling a bit thirsty, so I went to the refrigerator to get the water pitcher. BUT WHAT DID I SEE?!?!?!?! A VERY, VERY, +VERY+ EXPENSIVE BOTTLE OF UN-IMPORTABLE ++OPENED++ PARTIALLY CONSUMED, AUSTRALIAN WINE SITTING NEXT TO THE WATER PITCHER!!!!!!

At that point, it was about 6am. My roommate had been out the previous day consuming mass amounts of cheap alcohol (as my roommate is wont to do on weekends) and was probably feeling particularly hung-over that morning. I knew my roomie was in bed and probably not exactly awake. So, I screamed at the top of my lungs several profanities, which I strung together in a most unmannerly way and punctuated each phrase with a guttural scream. I am quite sure each screamed punctuation pierced through my roommate’s head. I felt much better after that and I am not sorry I gave my roomie a severe headache.

Now I have to go shopping for another present to give to my partner’s parents.

It will never be comparable.

And I could just KICK my roommate in the shins. Hard. REALLY HARD.