Don’t get me started on cushions.

OK, here’s the thing. So I’m buying this day bed, it’s brilliant, probably the best thing to ever come into my life. But it needs that kind of squishy, creature comforts sofa type feel to it. The solution was clear and simple- Big cushions, soft fabric, I was thinking maybe three, colour co-ordinated with the duvet cover.

Oh, if only it had been that simple. Here’s the thing about cushions. In the world there are many different cushions. They come in a variety of shapes and shades. This is so that the consumer has a choice about which cushion he or she can purchase. Except, and this is the important thing, this is very important, the only type of cushion NOT available is the type of cushion that looks even remotely like the one you want.

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I am not exaggerating when I say that I have been everywhere in the English speaking world looking for he perfect cushion. I’ve had cushion related adventures that would make your hair stand on end. I even once met this galaxies queen of cushions, who is identified once in each 3 generations by her enormous cushion needing hips.Yet in the fifty thousand miles I have journeyed across space and time I have seen nothing but cushions which hate me as much as I hate them.

I think it’s because cushions are quite a girly purchase, there’s something very artsy, cutesy, “ooh-this-matches-the-lampshade” about cushions. So cushion designers don’t feel the need to come up with anything sensible like, say, a blue cushion. Cushions come in “duck egg” and “aqua” or they have blue stripes interwoven with brown tassels and lace dangly bits. You ask for a simple object in a straightforward colour and suddenly you are sucked into the world of mincing fabric swaddled frippery.

In the end I went with my first instinct and shopped on line. And you know what, I do like my new cushions, I do. I’m looking at them now. Only thing is, they’re just ever so slightly, in a certain light, missing something. I worry that it may be tassels. I hope I’m wrong.